Lets talk HANDJOBS!!

Hand jobs have a bad reputation. They’re considered a bottom-of-the-barrel sex act, a last-resort option, an activity only suitable for precocious eighth graders and cripplingly inexperienced adults.

The culture has spoken, and the verdict is in: Hand jobs suck.

I’m on a mission to change that!!!

I’m a bit of a hand job evangelist. Well, let me back up a bit: First and foremost, I’m a sex educator.

My primary focus is pleasure-oriented, queer-inclusive sex-ed for grown-ups—moving beyond putting condoms on bananas and talking about the nuts and bolts of screwing.

Allow me to let you in on one of the most puzzling ironies I’ve encountered in my years of experience as a sex educator. Generally speaking, women report less frequent masturbation and feelings of sexual desire than men, while men and young boys are stereotyped as sex and masturbation fiends.

And yet, when it comes to exploring pleasure and sensuality, you’re far more likely to find books, blog posts, and articles on how to get women off than how to get men off.

It’s a tired stereotype. Vaginas and vulvas are mysterious flowers with complex internal biology, while penises and testicles are external and straightforward. Advice for pleasuring a vagina could fill a book—and has, several times over. Advice for pleasuring a penis usually starts and ends with “touch it until it ejaculates.”

It’s a tired stereotype—vaginas and vulvas are mysterious flowers with complex internal biology, while penises and testicles are external and straightforward.

But there’s so much more to pleasuring a penis—and the person it belongs to. Just like vulvas and vaginas, penises and testicles are more and less sensitive in certain areas. Certain kinds of sensation may feel differently for different people—one person might like having their testicles lightly pinched, another rolled between the fingers, a third gently cupped, a fourth left alone entirely. And just like people with vaginas, people with penises need to be mentally stimulated to experience physiological pleasure. That means setting the right mood and tone, whether that involves candles and incense or teasing and dirty talk.

It’s not just the hand job that’s been underrated. While the phrase “female masturbation” conjures images of a sexually liberated and cosmopolitan woman writhing glamorously with the assistance of a sleek purple vibrator, male masturbation is often viewed as a strictly utilitarian affair. Men of the world, I ask you: When is the last time you truly enjoyed a masturbation session, fully exploring your body and luxuriating in pleasure? When’s the last time you masturbated in the bath? Or with something other than your hand?

Just like people with vaginas, people with penises need to be mentally stimulated to experience physiological pleasure.

Sex TOYS for men I say!! I give them out as session toys and use them often!

Some really sexually experienced guys don’t know much about what’s out there, so not everyone goes to the toy stores and shops like I do!

As a feminist who is deeply aware of the orgasm gap and the very real struggles women face in pursuing sexual pleasure, it can feel a little silly to focus my education efforts on the pleasure of men, who are experiencing plenty of pleasure already. But more so, I encourage men to explore their sexuality goes beyond better orgasms and healthier relationships—it’s also a matter of physical well-being.

Regular ejaculation contributes to prostate health, but frequent massage is the best way to keep your prostate healthy, and that does involve putting things in your butt. Talk about a touchy subject. Anal may be on the menu for women, but for most straight men, there’s still a deep stigma around receptive anal play.  This is a stigma that might be putting your health at risk.

For men who are seriously shy about penetration, that massaging the perineum (the space between the testicles and anus) is a pleasurable and effective way to maintain prostate health—but I recommend going the whole nine yards to really reap the benefits of prostate massage. Or, you could say...“Get yourself off and keep your prostate soft!”

Cancer prevention aside, exploring sex and pleasure beyond “touch your/your partner’s penis until it ejaculates” is an important part of a healthy sex life.

So, people with penises of the world: Touch yourselves. Touch parts of yourself that aren’t your penis or testicles. Touch yourselves in ways you’ve never touched yourself before. And partners of people with penises, take the time to explore your partner’s body and treat their penis like the complex, unique, fascinating organ that it is.

And if you need some help getting started, come see me. There’s far more to a penis than touch it until it ejaculates.

I want to educate the world on that, one flick of the wrist at a time. Lets talk about HANDJOBS!!